At Last…

So, I’ve been MIA for months now because there was literally, NOTHING, to blog about that is at all related to my goal of becoming a mother (in addition to already being a stepmomma).

I had planned to update in about 2 weeks to say that we had moved and that I was getting all set up with a new home… but… in typical Murphy’s Law fashion…

Let me back up and tell the short, but more complete version of the story:  my DH and I both commute to work.  We work about 5 minutes away from each other, but we’re both commuting 70 minutes EACH way.  This made sense for a while since the housing market was in the toilet and we’d end up losing WAY too much in selling our home.  Now, the market (at least where we are) has recovered enough that we can take a small loss and move closer to work.

2 months ago, I started house shopping.  1 month ago, we found a house.  Yesterday, we closed on the house, In two weeks, we move to a new home.  On Monday, we signed a contract on our selling our current home.  They will move in/close at the end of November.

Once we had the final approval on the house and everything was ready to go, I wrote my adoption counselor to say that we were moving to our new home and could she help me meet my new counselor.  She’s normally very responsive.

I didn’t hear anything for 2 days.  Then, on Wednesday, I get a phone call.

We’ve been chosen as the family to consider for an 11-year-old girl.  We go for the presentation about her in a couple of hours.

Yep, that’s right. It really did happen exactly when I had given up on it ever happening.  I’m excited about learning more about this little girl, but I’m also very, very nervous.  Looks like I’ll be back in blog land, reading up and getting back into the know, instead of feeling hopeless on the sidelines.

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NIAW Week — It Takes Time

Last year, I had this whole planned out post for NIAW.  I’d thought of it earlier and saved it up. Not long after that post, I found out my second IVF hadn’t worked, and not much long after that, I decided that we were completely finished with ART for trying to have a family.

It’s weird, then, to think that one entire year later, I’m still in the exact same place, as far as being a mom is concerned.  I’m not pregnant (no magic pregnancy for me).  I’m not fostering or visiting with any kids to adopt.  I’m just still here, blogging, reading blogs and thinking about what my life might be like if I were a mom. 

So, I think that this week is about increasing awareness and discussion of infertility. One thing I think that gets ignored is how much TIME this takes and how the TIME starts to really wear you down.  Just today, I read Esperanza’s post about the effect that time had on her and her emotions.  IN fact, I went through my reader and almost every single post discussed time, in some way or another.

The time that this terrible-ness of infertility takes from us who struggle with it, well, it really can’t be measured.  When I started trying to have a baby in 2009, I had NO IDEA that 4 years later, I’d still be here.  As someone with a chronic illness, I think that this long-term process has been a little easier for me to deal with, but it’s still not easy.  I still think sometimes, that maybe, something will happen and a miracle or a magic answer will present itself, even though I know, actually, that it won’t.

The only hope I have is that by next year, hopefully, I’ll be telling a different story.

Nothing’s going on…

So, my new foray into foster-to-adoption land has lead me to realize that time moves at a very different rate in this situation than in others. 

We had our final home study visit on March 17.  We were told it’d take 4-6 weeks for all the stuff to be finalized, then we’d be officially done with the paperwork.

The family and friends that know about the adoption spend a good bit of time asking me “How’s the adoption going?”  Most of the time, my answer is “Fine, I suppose.  Nothing’s going on right at this moment.”  I guess people are used to pregnancy… when a woman finds out she’s pregnant, life becomes a flurry of “next up is …” and markers that have meaning (trimesters and such).  

For adoptive moms, we don’t really have those, so people, including me, don’t know what to say.  How do you explain that someone, somewhere, is writing up a document about your ability to parent?  Then, that document will be put into a computer somewhere and then some child(ren)’s similar document will be matched by a computer or a counselor, and THEN something will actually happen.

Until then, nothing’s going on.

In other news, one of my friends from Fer.tility Frie.nd (I used to be on there, but it made me sad.  Literally, EVERYONE ELSE was getting pregnant), is going through her first IVF.  She just went through retrieval and now I’m really hoping her embryos are growing and multiplying.  She’s been on this boat for 4 years now… let’s hope she finally gets to shore!

When?

So, we’re down to just two things left to be ready to adopt: the DHEC inspection and the homestudy with the counselor person.

Then, I don’t really know what happens.  Someone will call, I suppose, and tell us about some child(ren) who may be a good fit for us, and then we’ll decide whether or not to move forward.

As I think about this, all my mind comes up with is a bunch of whens:

  • When will we finally be done with all this paperwork and stuff?
  • When will the call come in?
  • When will we be ready for the kid(s) to come to our home?
  • etc…

The biggest “whens” for me though is when will I feel like a “real” parent (I already have two stepchildren, so even though most people don’t consider me to be a parent, I feel like one most of the time), and “when will I finally stop thinking about getting pregnant”?  That last one has been bothering me a little bit lately, not like I’m sad about not getting pregnant, but just I’m wondering when I’ll stop worrying about/thinking about it.  I would like to finally accept, really accept, that it’s not going to happen.