I wish I really, really didn’t…

So, I just read an article on Slate about a break-up and the differences between men and women who want kids.  You can read/listen yourself, but I do have some responses to the article and the video:

  • I was really jealous of the lady for DECIDING she doesn’t want kids.  How crazy is that?  I watched her say, “I really really don’t” (and I believe her) and thought, “Oh, I so wish I felt that way.” I don’t know if that’s a healthy or unhealthy response, but that was what I felt.  It’d be so, so much easier (and CHEAPER!) to just not want kids.  Then, bam, 3 years of my life… back from the abyss of infertility.
  • Secondly, wha? Only46% of women between ages of 21 and 34 want kids?  What?  That statistic seems so inherently wrong to me.  I am just recently out of that category, but I can only think of one person  in that category (not wanting kids) that I know.  I have 2 friends (one age 35 and one 37) who don’t have kids — one is a lesbian and her partner is much younger (28? 29?) and in grad school, so they’re waiting, and the other is still single and wants to adopt when she gets married. So, is my experience THAT skewed?  The friend I have who doesn’t want kids has never wanted them.  Her mom had 6 (yes SIX) miscarriages before she was born, and she was born premature after her mom had been on bedrest for 20 weeks.  So, I think she just decided at a young age not to go through any of that.  Plus, she likes to travel and has one of those very controlled, scheduled lives that you can’t have with kids.  Other than that, every single women I know either has kids or wants to have them.


Just don’t think about… that ultrasound wand

So, I went for my baseline ultrasound yesterday.  An amusing/irritating thing happened while I was there.

The u/s tech is really nice, and we connected a little last time I was there.  This time, she was accompanied by a student who was learning to be an ultrasound technician (is that the right word??).  Here’s a recap of the conversation

Tech:  Is this your second or third time doing Clomid?

Me: Third

Tech:  I see so many times women get pregnant on the third try.

Me:  Wow!  You just made my day.  I thought about doing IVF this time, but I didn’t want to stress to get in the May-June cycle.

Student:  Yes, stress is bad for getting pregnant.

Me: *In my head, only.  I actually said nothing* ***Yes, yes, I’m sure it is.  You try telling your husband to have sex at the exact time of day to correspond with y0ur ovulation and see how relaxed you are.***

Student:  If you just don’t think about it, you’ll get pregnant.

Tech:  Winces and raises eyebrows.

Me: Dead silence.  ****In my head**** Yes, because it’s so easy not to think about getting pregnant while paying thousands of dollars to try.  It’s especially easy to forget about while having someone you’ve only met 4 times shove something up in your vagina with a complete stranger in the room.

Student:  That’s the way it’s always happened for my family.

Me:  Continued dead silence.  ****My awful, mean thoughts**** No matter what I think about, if my right ovary doesn’t make eggs, then no baby for me.  You dumbass.

Student:  *Uncomfortable laugh.*  I really hope you get pregnant this month.

Me:  Um, thanks.

After that, I thanked the u/s tech and got dressed.  When the nurse came in, I told her that she might want to let that student know that telling a bunch of women at a fertility clinic not to think about getting pregnant goes beyond ironic and into just plain idiotic.

Cycle 22, Day 2

So, after a busy week/weekend, I’m popping in to write this, mostly to make it a plan that is more concrete and so it will quit circling around in my head.

I am going to do one more medicated cycle this month (May).  Hopefully that will be the end of the story for the “how to” get part of this story.

If not, then I will skip June, save lots of money in the meantime, and do the July-August IVF cycle, just in time for the fall semester (oh, and comps!  COMPS! How am I going to do comps??!??).

So, on the phone in the AM, Clomid starts tomorrow night.  Now, about that 20 page paper due tomorrow I haven’t started yet…

Cycle 21… Still. CD 27, 12 DPO: IVF Price

I did get a quote today about IVF, but nothing else.  We will owe $3400 to even get started, then have about $1200 in meds, $250 for pre-screening, and $350 for something else I can’t remember off the top of my head, for a grand total of about $5,200.

That’s right, even with insurance, it will cost over $5 thousand dollars for one shot at IVF.  I can’t believe how expensive all this stuff is.

I’m either going to do the May-June cycle or the July-August; still waiting on a call back about that.  I’m guessing I’m too late for the May-June cycle since May 1 is Sunday.

Oh, still no period yet.  Just spotting.  Annoying spotting.

Cycle 21, CD 24, 9 DPO: Question for ICLW-ers

So, today, I started my monthly spotting and feel exactly like I do every other month when the spotting leads to the period.  You all know exactly how much fun this portion of the cycle is.

I have a question for those of you who are here visiting from ICLW.  Would you go ahead and do another medically stimulated cycle?  This cycle was pretty perfect — 3 follicles, all big ones on the right side, good timing for intercourse, relaxed, etc…   My progesterone came back fine, and my E2 levels were normal.  So it all “looks” good, but yet… still with the spotting (no, haven’t tested yet, and there doesn’t seem to be much point now).

My reason for thinking of doing something different is that I have a lifetime max on my insurance.  I can only do $15,000 worth of infertility treatment.  After I run out of that, then DH has to add me to his insurance (extra $3000 or so a year), and then he has some money that can cover me, but that wouldn’t be until next year (Jan 2012) after open enrollment.

Am I just wrong for thinking that if medical stimulation was all I needed, then this would be the cycle that would have worked?  Would you do one more, like the RE recommended, or just take a break, or just move on to IVF?

My schedule this summer is perfect for IVF since I can set my own hours.

Any advice at all is appreciated.

Cycle 21, CD 9, 2nd day of Bravelle

So, today, I’ll be on my second day of Bravelle.  I’m already feeling pressure and a slight soreness in my ovarian region, as I have come to think of that place down there.  I’m already having to wear my bigger in the waist pants, even though the scale says I haven’t gained any weight.

I’m thinking of calling and finding out the financials for IVF today or tomorrow.  I know that I’m an entire cycle away from that, but I’d like to know the details before I get all invested in a cycle.

Cycle 21, CD 6, Day 3 of Clomid.

So, the Clomid headaches have teamed up with my cold headache to make me feel like my entire head might pop, like the balloon filled with glitter in the new Target commercial.  Well, except not so pretty and nostalgia inducing, and a little more Night of the Living Dead-ish.

Also, I can only taste salt.  Really.  I’m going to have high blood pressure this week from all the salt I’m putting on food, but it’s the only thing I can taste.

My dog thinks I’ve abandoned him (the older one, the little one just wants to sit outside barking and trying to eat bees) because I’m home but not on the couch with him.  And, the plumbers are outside trying to fix my sewer, while I sit inside at the kitchen table, watch Sex & the City and try to grade papers.  It’s a beautiful day, but all I want to do is crawl in bed with a wet washcloth on my forehead.

Other random thought of the day:  All this investment in CM doesn’t make sense to me.  Today, I clearly have EWCM (also known a vaginal gold), even though I am not about to ovulate.  I mean, I know I’m not about to ovulate because my cycle is being controlled by drugs and I don’t ovulate until next week.  Is my body just that confused by all the medications???