Riddikulus!

I wish that I were in Hogwarts many times.  Yes, I know Voldemort/Tom Riddle is a total PITA but everything else is pretty sweet.  Plus, if I were in Harry Potter, then I could use my wand and shout RIDDIKULUS! at anything the boggart presented to me and it would just immediately turn into something funny.  That’d be pretty neat, right?

Well, we finally made a somewhat solid decision and are going to do the IVF in the January/February cycle.  I am already dreading the daily round of shots and the constant visits with Wandy.  I’m still crazy/hopeful enough that I’m not going to go pay the money for the IVF or start the BCP until I actually start my period this month.  Crazy because, yeah, right, 2 weeks of baby aspirin will magically fix me (I bet Hermione knows a spell for infertility.  She went to the library…).  Hopeful, because why can’t I have that story, that “she was all set to do her second IVF after a miserable failure the first time…” story.

The biggest concern I have about this, is that we’ll fork out yet more money (if I can’t qualify for free drugs, that will be over $20,000 we’ve spent (total) for 2 medicated cycles, 1 IUI cycle, and 2 IVF cycles.  That’s the price WITH insurance.  Once the insurance is up, I don’t really know what our options will be.

If there was a boggart in front of me right now, it’d turn into a negative pregnancy test with a $20,000 price tag.  Now, how did that spell go…?

 

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2 Answers, Many Questions

So, I had been wondering if my friend, who was trying to get pregnant, was pregnant.  She is.

My other friend, who has fibromyalgia, has been trying since last summer or the summer before… and she’s pregnant now too.   She just announced it on FB by talking about how much she hated her first trip to BabiesRUs.  There are worst ways to let people know, I guess.

So those questions have been answered.  But the ones I’m really interested in are still out there.  Ones like:

  • Should I do IVF in January or March?   (the reason for this question follows)
  • Can a person with a messed up tube, the start of diminished ovarian reserve,  and a bunch of blood mutations get pregnant WITHOUT IVF?
  • Should I go back and see the doctor again to ask her those two questions?  (Like her answer will be anything other than, “January,” and “No!! The reason why I told you last time to do IVF in January is because you are all kinds of to’ up and need some help. Big Help!”).
  • Why is my tooth still hurting?  Could cold sensitivity that develops after a filling be anything other than something that needs a root canal? (That one just keeps sneaking in there, even when I’m trying to think of other things.  Aching teeth are so annoying.  I refuse to ask Dr. Google because I’m scared of the answer).
  • How many more people will get pregnant before I even try my second IVF?
  • How does one go about finding/funding a surrogate?  Can I just put an ad up on Craiglist? Would it say:  Womb needed.  Must be nonsmoker and willing to quit drinking for 10 months or so.  Must be willing to get knocked up by my husband and me, but we’ll pay you for it.  As we are not rich, we can pay you with tree cutting services, nursing, cobbler/cookie making, and editing?
Well, those are the ones I have right now.  For real, I’ve tried googling MHTFR + blood clotting disorders and PREGNANT, but most of them lead me to ladies discussing IVF.  I’m guess if you add in my other two factors (busted up ole lefty tube and decreasing numbers of eggs), and you get a slim chance at best.
If I were on Big Love Season 4, Dr. Rocket would have had me knocked up without me having to do anything except take one progesterone shot.  He’s good like that.

3 Days Till Doomsday

I go into find out the news of my bloodwork on Friday.  I’m so worried that the RE’s going to say that I’m so completely fucked up that there’s no help for me.  I can’t even think about what all could be wrong — killer cells,  clotting factors, MTHFR (or something like that), ANA, TNF,  and a whole bunch of other letters that mean my immune system just doesn’t work right.

I woke up this morning and felt like someone had dropped a brick on my head.  Now, I think I have a cold.  Can worry cause you to get a cold?  I bet it can.

Some good reading out there now:  Hanna Wept, Sarah Laughed

And, just because today feels pretty heavy…

Wiggling my Feet

I went for my “failed IVF” blood work on Tuesday.  When I went in, there was a lady sitting in the lab, with her feet up and a water bottle in her lap.  As they were checking me in, she ate a sugar pill (which looked like a sweet tart).  I thought to myself, “Man, I’m so glad that I don’t get faint during bloodwork anymore.  That sucks.”

Ha.  Oh, the irony.

As she was leaving, the lab tech reached up on to the shelf and pulled down about 400,567,898 vials.  Okay, so it was really 15ish.  It was so many she had to USE TWO HANDS.  TWO. HANDS.  As soon as I saw that, I panicked.  I asked if that was for someone else.  The tech laughed and said, “no, it’s all for you.  It’s not that bad.”   She then nodded towards the lady gathering her bags and said, she just finished up with the same thing.

This statement did not decrease my anxiety.

I “jokingly” (dead seriously) asked if I could do half that day and come back for the other half later.   I then reminded her that I’d had like 7 vials of blood taken not even 3 months ago and wondered if some of those tests were the same.

The tech just kept on preparing and cajoling me, telling me it’d all be okay.  The other tech, smelling my fear, turned on the radio and stationed herself nearby.

Realizing there was no way to avoid my unwitting blood donation, I resigned myself to the upcoming torture and had the tech help me lay back.  I warned them that I had actually fainted during blood work before (as part of medical trial, I had to have blood taken ever 60 minutes.  In the second part of the trial, they installed a port so that I wouldn’t almost faint every 60 minutes).

It all started out okay.  Then came the vasovagal response.  Since I’ve taught others the warning signs, I knew what was happening. I tried the deep, steady breaths, focusing on the ceiling, moving the hand that wasn’t attached to the arm attached to the vampire needle.

Nothing worked.  The other lab tech, not the one taking my blood, noticed my lack of color, my panting, and the sweat pouring off of my forehead.

Out came the cold washcloth and her looking right in my eyes (trying to get me to focus my eyes) saying “Don’t close your eyes. Wiggle your feet, Melissa.  WIGGLE YOUR FEET.”  I’m guessing she was trying to get the blood to flow back to my heart instead of to my feet, or she was just trying to distract me from the needle in my arm so I woudn’t faint.

Anyway, it all turned out fine.  I made it through, drank some cold water, ate a piece of candy donated by the next victim, and go back at the end of October for results.

I don’t even know what they were testing me for.  It better be worth it.  I don’t know if that means I want everything to negative or if I want them to find out what the problem is.  Either way, I hope I don’t have to do that again anytime soon.