So, I just read an article on Slate about a break-up and the differences between men and women who want kids. You can read/listen yourself, but I do have some responses to the article and the video:
- I was really jealous of the lady for DECIDING she doesn’t want kids. How crazy is that? I watched her say, “I really really don’t” (and I believe her) and thought, “Oh, I so wish I felt that way.” I don’t know if that’s a healthy or unhealthy response, but that was what I felt. It’d be so, so much easier (and CHEAPER!) to just not want kids. Then, bam, 3 years of my life… back from the abyss of infertility.
- Secondly, wha? Only46% of women between ages of 21 and 34 want kids? What? That statistic seems so inherently wrong to me. I am just recently out of that category, but I can only think of one person in that category (not wanting kids) that I know. I have 2 friends (one age 35 and one 37) who don’t have kids — one is a lesbian and her partner is much younger (28? 29?) and in grad school, so they’re waiting, and the other is still single and wants to adopt when she gets married. So, is my experience THAT skewed? The friend I have who doesn’t want kids has never wanted them. Her mom had 6 (yes SIX) miscarriages before she was born, and she was born premature after her mom had been on bedrest for 20 weeks. So, I think she just decided at a young age not to go through any of that. Plus, she likes to travel and has one of those very controlled, scheduled lives that you can’t have with kids. Other than that, every single women I know either has kids or wants to have them.
So, I called this morning to schedule a follow up appointment with my RE. On this phone call, I found out that I have to have another period, then I have to take more birth control pills, then I’ll start stimming. Wha???? This is not at all what I thought was going to happen. I thought I’d take this pack of pills, then that’d be it. I’d be stimming.
My IVF girl (that’s what the office calls them. Like they’re special stewardesses directing me through IVF, which I guess, in a way, they are) tells me that I’m to call once I have my next period, then they’ll tell me what to do. I don’t understand why I have to do it this way. I’ve already had my ultrasound and my bloodwork. So, what’s the next period for? Anywho, I’m just doing as I’m told, and I guess they don’t tell us too much in advance because then we’ll just be even more anxious. Not that being completely confused is that calming.
I didn’t get to all my prep work for the week this weekend, so I ended up going out to lunch. I ordered a salad with GRILLED chicken. I got a salad with FRIED** chicken. I was so short on time that I just decided to eat it. Now, I feel terrible (tummy aches from greasiness). Fried chicken is bad, bad, bad. I can’t believe I ate that. I’m going to feel sick about it and from it for the rest of the day, I can tell. I have lost 12 pounds since January 1. I hope that fried chicken doesn’t ruin my good record, dammit.
**I ate bread on Saturday night. We went out for DH’s birthday, and the restaurant had that perfect bread with crispy edges and smooth, soft inside. I couldn’t resist. Since then, I’ve been phasing the gluten back out again. I should have kept it out with the fried chicken too, but, alas, I didn’t.
So, I’m spotting again. For those of you following along, you’ve heard lots about me spotting. For any new folks, I spot every month before my period. Once, I spotted for 10 days in a row and it was terrible.
I’m supposed to go take a pregnancy test tomorrow, and I guess I will, unless the spotting gets heavier, since “lots of women spot during pregnancy.”
I don’t feel pregnant though. I feel annoyed and frustrated. I’m trying not to focus on those feelings though, and I’m just exercising and eating healthy foods, working, and hanging out with my dogs (which are not dalmatians, but dalmatians are spotty, so therefore more appropriate for this post).
I have to make a plan to start IVF in July/August. I’m worried about timing though, since we’d planned to vacation in July. We’re not going too far away from the RE though, so if I have to, I can just drive in (about an hour) and then drive back to the lake. Not ideal… but this whole situation is not ideal.
So, today, I started my monthly spotting and feel exactly like I do every other month when the spotting leads to the period. You all know exactly how much fun this portion of the cycle is.
I have a question for those of you who are here visiting from ICLW. Would you go ahead and do another medically stimulated cycle? This cycle was pretty perfect — 3 follicles, all big ones on the right side, good timing for intercourse, relaxed, etc… My progesterone came back fine, and my E2 levels were normal. So it all “looks” good, but yet… still with the spotting (no, haven’t tested yet, and there doesn’t seem to be much point now).
My reason for thinking of doing something different is that I have a lifetime max on my insurance. I can only do $15,000 worth of infertility treatment. After I run out of that, then DH has to add me to his insurance (extra $3000 or so a year), and then he has some money that can cover me, but that wouldn’t be until next year (Jan 2012) after open enrollment.
Am I just wrong for thinking that if medical stimulation was all I needed, then this would be the cycle that would have worked? Would you do one more, like the RE recommended, or just take a break, or just move on to IVF?
My schedule this summer is perfect for IVF since I can set my own hours.
Any advice at all is appreciated.