So, this cycle is officially over. I got the call today and set up the appointment for the IVF consult for next Wednesday. Looks like we’ll be finding out more about stims and progesterone shots and whatnot.
I got over my sad about this when I started spotting, so it wasn’t too bad of a day. I’m still pissed off though — 4 follicles! FOUR! and and IUI with great timing! Damn, you baby maker, you’re starting to get on my nerves.
So, I’m spotting again. For those of you following along, you’ve heard lots about me spotting. For any new folks, I spot every month before my period. Once, I spotted for 10 days in a row and it was terrible.
I’m supposed to go take a pregnancy test tomorrow, and I guess I will, unless the spotting gets heavier, since “lots of women spot during pregnancy.”
I don’t feel pregnant though. I feel annoyed and frustrated. I’m trying not to focus on those feelings though, and I’m just exercising and eating healthy foods, working, and hanging out with my dogs (which are not dalmatians, but dalmatians are spotty, so therefore more appropriate for this post).
I have to make a plan to start IVF in July/August. I’m worried about timing though, since we’d planned to vacation in July. We’re not going too far away from the RE though, so if I have to, I can just drive in (about an hour) and then drive back to the lake. Not ideal… but this whole situation is not ideal.
So, after a busy week/weekend, I’m popping in to write this, mostly to make it a plan that is more concrete and so it will quit circling around in my head.
I am going to do one more medicated cycle this month (May). Hopefully that will be the end of the story for the “how to” get part of this story.
If not, then I will skip June, save lots of money in the meantime, and do the July-August IVF cycle, just in time for the fall semester (oh, and comps! COMPS! How am I going to do comps??!??).
So, on the phone in the AM, Clomid starts tomorrow night. Now, about that 20 page paper due tomorrow I haven’t started yet…
So, the Clomid headaches have teamed up with my cold headache to make me feel like my entire head might pop, like the balloon filled with glitter in the new Target commercial. Well, except not so pretty and nostalgia inducing, and a little more Night of the Living Dead-ish.
Also, I can only taste salt. Really. I’m going to have high blood pressure this week from all the salt I’m putting on food, but it’s the only thing I can taste.
My dog thinks I’ve abandoned him (the older one, the little one just wants to sit outside barking and trying to eat bees) because I’m home but not on the couch with him. And, the plumbers are outside trying to fix my sewer, while I sit inside at the kitchen table, watch Sex & the City and try to grade papers. It’s a beautiful day, but all I want to do is crawl in bed with a wet washcloth on my forehead.
Other random thought of the day: All this investment in CM doesn’t make sense to me. Today, I clearly have EWCM (also known a vaginal gold), even though I am not about to ovulate. I mean, I know I’m not about to ovulate because my cycle is being controlled by drugs and I don’t ovulate until next week. Is my body just that confused by all the medications???
Well, well, I see you over there, Clomid. We meet again, you and I. We’re off on another journey today, and I can say with all honestly that I hope these five days I spend with you are one of the few times I ever have to see you again. So, let’s make it as well as we can through these next days, and then let’s part ways, not enemies but definitely not friends.
I spent the whole first day of my 21st cycle cleaning out a shed just to come in and find that the sewer line was blocked up again, so no shower. You can imagine how great I feel right now. Thank goodness for the hot tub, jump in, rinse off and pretend that brominated water makes for clean people.
I call tomorrow AM to talk about what to do next for this cycle. I guess I’ll have another ultrasound and start Clomid on Wednesday. Here we go again!
So, second day with no spotting (yesterday, there was just a little bit in the morning). I found this great website that finally seems to explain the spotting to me, and explains why I’ve stopped spotting but haven’t started my period yet. Sometimes, it’s just so nice to KNOW something, or at least think I know…
I have spotted, and it is not time for my period. Was it implantation spotting?
Implantation spotting is the exception rather than the rule. Sometimes the procedures themselves can irritate the cervix and cause light brown spotting afterwards. Sometimes when the uterus shifts from being estrogen to progesterone dominant you will get a little bit of spotting. Light spotting can be normal, but contact your physician with any concerns.
Also, there’s this as an explanation of why the spotting has stopped and then still no period:
I have questions about my symptoms or situations before or after a treatment cycle. My period has been usually light or heavy since my last cycle with Clomid or injectables. Or, I have not even gotten it yet, although my beta was negative. Is this normal?
Yes, it is normal for menses to be light, heavy, or simply different, due to the hormone levels being different. Also, progesterone supplements can delay the onset of menses. Most women don’t start their periods until the progesterone level drops to somewhere between 2-4, which may take a few extra days.
The bloodtest came back negative. I’ve stopped spotting, so now I just wait on my period.
I guess I was the fool today for thinking this might work out this time.
So, I just started spotting. I actually saw something this morning that looked like spotting and I decided I must be crazy, but now, I’m sure. I’m so upset. I’m so mad. I’m so sad. I’m just so… everything.
I know, I know. It’s just spotting. Some people spot. Then, those people can still be pregnant. Implantation spotting. Keep up the hope, yes, yes. But I just feel awful right now. I’m supposed to be running errands, but instead I came home and sat down with my dogs and did all kinds of stupid things, like looked for charts where women spotted and were still pregnant. It didn’t really help any to see that, I just feel like they are in some place where I’m never going to be. It’s so hard to remember that they may have felt just like I do right now on a month where they were pregnant. It’s just so hard.
I just don’t think I can go out, drive around and pretend to be okay right now. I think this is a moment where I get to call a time out on being good and responsible, take a nap, and just be okay with being not okay.
In completely unrelated to this, but to another post, I ended up really disliking Water for Elephants.
My birthday is coming up this weekend. I’ll be the big 34, and that puts me one year closer to the sacred (or profane, perhaps) 35, when my fertility will be officially declining. I’m trying not to think about that too much. Plus, two of the blogs I follow just got a BFP (Yolk and My Dusty Uterus), so I’m hoping this is a magical time of year and that perigree moon did something.
I’m banning myself from Fertility Friend, especially the TTC with IUI/IVF board. Those ladies there are all so strong and amazing, but I’m scared to read all those stories right now. I think I’m just going to focus on all the next steps and having a nice birthday weekend, with lots of relaxing.
This morning, I woke up feeling fine, then got in the car and almost threw up. I had to jump out of the car and everything, as I was really sure that I was going to puke. I think that is from my progesterone being higher this cycle (I guess from the Clomid?). I know it’s not a pregnancy symptom…. but god, it would be nice if it were.
In other news, I’m listening to Water for Elephants right now, and liking it more than I thought I would.