Last year, I had this whole planned out post for NIAW. I’d thought of it earlier and saved it up. Not long after that post, I found out my second IVF hadn’t worked, and not much long after that, I decided that we were completely finished with ART for trying to have a family.
It’s weird, then, to think that one entire year later, I’m still in the exact same place, as far as being a mom is concerned. I’m not pregnant (no magic pregnancy for me). I’m not fostering or visiting with any kids to adopt. I’m just still here, blogging, reading blogs and thinking about what my life might be like if I were a mom.
So, I think that this week is about increasing awareness and discussion of infertility. One thing I think that gets ignored is how much TIME this takes and how the TIME starts to really wear you down. Just today, I read Esperanza’s post about the effect that time had on her and her emotions. IN fact, I went through my reader and almost every single post discussed time, in some way or another.
The time that this terrible-ness of infertility takes from us who struggle with it, well, it really can’t be measured. When I started trying to have a baby in 2009, I had NO IDEA that 4 years later, I’d still be here. As someone with a chronic illness, I think that this long-term process has been a little easier for me to deal with, but it’s still not easy. I still think sometimes, that maybe, something will happen and a miracle or a magic answer will present itself, even though I know, actually, that it won’t.
The only hope I have is that by next year, hopefully, I’ll be telling a different story.