When?

So, we’re down to just two things left to be ready to adopt: the DHEC inspection and the homestudy with the counselor person.

Then, I don’t really know what happens.  Someone will call, I suppose, and tell us about some child(ren) who may be a good fit for us, and then we’ll decide whether or not to move forward.

As I think about this, all my mind comes up with is a bunch of whens:

  • When will we finally be done with all this paperwork and stuff?
  • When will the call come in?
  • When will we be ready for the kid(s) to come to our home?
  • etc…

The biggest “whens” for me though is when will I feel like a “real” parent (I already have two stepchildren, so even though most people don’t consider me to be a parent, I feel like one most of the time), and “when will I finally stop thinking about getting pregnant”?  That last one has been bothering me a little bit lately, not like I’m sad about not getting pregnant, but just I’m wondering when I’ll stop worrying about/thinking about it.  I would like to finally accept, really accept, that it’s not going to happen.

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9 thoughts on “When?

  1. All very good questions!!! For me, wondering/worrying about pregnancy flew out of my head once we adopted Cadet. Occasionally it will pop up, but nothing compared to the thoughts when we were TTC!

    I hope you get the phone calls soon!

  2. That last one is a toughie.

    It lingers longer than you would like it to. Even now with Mea being 6, I still every now and then wonder what it would have been like to have had a biological child with my husband.

  3. hmmmmmm. i’m not sure when one stops thinking about the ‘what if’s’. but i suspect that it will happen as you approach decision points about adoption. when the reality of being a parent with your husband to children that ARE YOURS sets in. as stepparents we do tons for our stepkids, but it’s rarely really acknowledged. we’re lucky if our husbands recognize what we do and what we put up with. when my husband and i were considering adoption, all i could think of was how much of a sigh of relief it would be to parent with my husband and only my husband. to not have to have this other household tugging on the child that we are trying to parent in our household. to not have the kids go running to their bio mom when they didnt get what they wanted from dad and the stepbitch. to not have the kids i was trying to raise talk shit about me to their mother. to have a bubble wherein i was responsible for all things inside. to have my own household with a child in it. THAT would be awesome. that would be MY family. i dont know how difficult your stepparenting experience has been, and maybe none of this applies to you at all…? but i’m excited for you to grow your family and carve out a family space that is by your design. i am sure it wont be easy, but i am also sure you can do a great job of it and make the biggest difference in that kids life that anyone has or ever will.

    • Oh, you are singing the same song, sister. The bio mom in this case is so absolutely mean that we had to block our phones to make her not able to text my DH anymore. It was really over the top how negative and OFTEN she felt like she had to be negative to him, especially given the level of support that we give to the kids. Plus, she’s uber-manipulative and always makes it seem like she’s a victim . We could have about a 3-day chat about this, I bet.

      You’re so right about people not recognizing all that we do. Even my own mom has said things to me like “Well, WHEN you BECOME a parent, you’ll understand [blah,blah, blah] about raising kids,” as if I haven’t been raising kids for the past 7 years.

      When we went to our adoption class, which was mostly not good, there was a great moment. The teacher asked me about adoption and raising kids, and I told her I was already a stepmom. She said, “Well, then you already are a mom, then. You know all about this.” It felt good.

      Thanks for your comment, really.

      • i’m glad to hear your teacher (as crazy as the class was – this was the “don’t shake the baby class, right?) can acknowledge that you HAVE been parenting. ironically, parenting from the worst position on the field. you are going to be prepared for adoption in ways that non-stepmom’s could never imagine they needed to be prepared.

        sorry to hear about how annoying your BM (ironic, that abbreviation is, no?) experience has been. it sounds worse than mine 😦 it sounds like your stepkids are still engaged with you though, and that says a lot about your character!!! 🙂

  4. The what-ifs, whens, and waiting are rough. You’re inching ever closer, though, and I cannot wait until the only thing left on your to-do list is to bring your child home!

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