I wish I really, really didn’t…

So, I just read an article on Slate about a break-up and the differences between men and women who want kids.  You can read/listen yourself, but I do have some responses to the article and the video:

  • I was really jealous of the lady for DECIDING she doesn’t want kids.  How crazy is that?  I watched her say, “I really really don’t” (and I believe her) and thought, “Oh, I so wish I felt that way.” I don’t know if that’s a healthy or unhealthy response, but that was what I felt.  It’d be so, so much easier (and CHEAPER!) to just not want kids.  Then, bam, 3 years of my life… back from the abyss of infertility.
  • Secondly, wha? Only46% of women between ages of 21 and 34 want kids?  What?  That statistic seems so inherently wrong to me.  I am just recently out of that category, but I can only think of one person  in that category (not wanting kids) that I know.  I have 2 friends (one age 35 and one 37) who don’t have kids — one is a lesbian and her partner is much younger (28? 29?) and in grad school, so they’re waiting, and the other is still single and wants to adopt when she gets married. So, is my experience THAT skewed?  The friend I have who doesn’t want kids has never wanted them.  Her mom had 6 (yes SIX) miscarriages before she was born, and she was born premature after her mom had been on bedrest for 20 weeks.  So, I think she just decided at a young age not to go through any of that.  Plus, she likes to travel and has one of those very controlled, scheduled lives that you can’t have with kids.  Other than that, every single women I know either has kids or wants to have them.


6 thoughts on “I wish I really, really didn’t…

  1. So there’s kind of an interesting flip side to this which is that…I almost think it’s easier to say you don’t want kids when you assume, as nearly all of us do at some point, that you can anytime you want. I read an article on xojane.com a while back about a woman who was so entirely sure she didn’t want kids on top of having terrible health problems related to her menstrual cycle that she chose to sterilize herself and I think in fact she got a hysterectomy. And what surprised her after the fact was that even though she had never in her life wanted kids, to point where she voluntarily sterilized herself, she still felt a strong sense of loss after the hysterectomy that she completely didn’t expect. There’s a huge difference between choosing not to have kids, having that power, versus not being able to. Such a huge difference. That’s not to say I don’t believe people who say they don’t want kids, I’m sure that’s how they honestly feel at the moment. But it’s a much, much easier thing to assert, I believe, when the underlying assumption is that you can at any time should you change your mind.

  2. Um, yeah. I know one woman who doesn’t want kids. Or doesn’t already have them. Although, I do know some women who’ve offered on more than one occasion to give me theirs. So that’s great. This song is kind of awesome though. Love the awkward dance moves.

  3. hmmmmmm. from my circle of female friends – just the females – that stat is about right. 1 out of 6 of my closest friends from high school/undergrad wants kids. but i think i’m the skewed one… my friends are all scattered between big cities from DC to Boston (with the one wanting kids on SF). so mostly they are professional, single, traveling, and loving it (or so it seems). i’ve always said i dont need a family to be complete and that i’ve never been someone who had a family agenda. but as you wisely say, that was really just to ward off the askers, the obnoxious people who would pry to whom i just couldnt ever say “i’m actually having trouble in that department”.

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