(Non)Parenting Class

First, I’d like to say that I’m thinking of all of you who have been affected by infant loss today since it is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  I have never seen a positive on a pregnancy test, but with each of my IVFs, when I knew that I had potential babies inside of me, the negative tests felt like a loss to me.  I feel so sad for all of us who have had to deal with that loss in any form. The only comfort I find is in finding ways to make the world around me just a bit brighter when I can. I hope that you all will find a way to seek and offer comfort today.


Now for the  miniature rant:

Okay, so to adopt through the state, you have to become licensed as a foster parent first. I don’t know why.  But, you do.  Part of that licensing includes going to this class that supposed to teach you about the realities of fostering and adopting through foster care.

It turned out to be, instead, a parenting class. Except that it was an example of exactly the kind of parent I don’t want to be. I can’t go into all the wacky things that were said, but it was over-the-top religious themed (lots of God touching hearts and praying back and forth and God talking to people).  I don’t mind religion, per se, but I do mind when it covers for real, honest discussion and language.  The homophobia was palpable, which was ironic because there were two women (not together) in the class who seemed pretty clearly to be lesbians.  The sexism was awful — sometimes I have no idea how men make it through a day, since, according to some members of this group, the men wouldn’t even be capable of picking up the adoptive baby.   And, much of the advice was just completely backwards from the way that I think.  I can’t imagine parenting the way that these people were talking about parenting (over half the class already has children).

All in all, I guess I left with some information, and so, so much heartbreak.  What kind of world is it that we live in where people can be so damned awful to their children?  If this all works out, I’m really struggling with explaining that.


14 thoughts on “(Non)Parenting Class

  1. The longer I find myself in this road… The more amazed I am at the idiotic things I will tolerate to get what I want. This entire process is horrific. Yet they, anyone that controls your fate says jump… I find myself asking “how high”. Thinking of you on this journey, hang in there.

  2. Wow, I am really surprised by the religion and sexism stuff. Our class had none of that, but plenty of horrible statistics. Our class also had the homophobia and the parenting bits. Hang in there, you’re headed in the right direction!

  3. ug, gross. i don’t know if i would have made it through that without vomiting on my shoes or punching someone in the teeth.

    sexism angers me all the time. and religion angers me when it is an excuse for people not to think for themselves, to let “god’s plan” replace “hard work”, and to oppress others.

    hope that’s the last one of those meetings you’ll ever have to attend.

    • Oh, no, it’s a two-for. We get to go back again the weekend after next for Part 2. I hope Part 2 is better, but those hopes are small.

      I ended up doodling the entire class. I should’ve pulled out my Kindle and started to read.

      You captured exactly how the religious talk was at the meeting — no real answers to hard questions, just trite responses.

  4. Each month I didn’t conceive, particularly if it was a medicated cycle, felt like a loss to me. I know where you are coming from. So sorry about the adoption woes. Sometimes, I wonder if it their goal to purposely run off prospectively good parents. Good luck to you.

    • I think they were trying to run some people off — the teacher said over and over again that folks should leave if they couldn’t handle it. I think they present the worst case scenarios to make sure people realize what could happen.

  5. We had to take 10 weeks of training. Three hours per week, ten weeks, thirty hours. There was a lot of good information, but there was a lot of “lets see if we can scare the shit out of everyone.” And the praying, and the blessings.

    • 10 weeks! OMG. We would be so miserable. I’m glad we’re getting this done in two saturdays, even though they are very long saturdays.

      I kept your story in mind the whole time I was in the meeting and remembered the sweet pictures of Mea.

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