This is the post I started a few days ago:
So, I’ve been wondering lately how I’m making it through any given day. I wake up thinking of all the things I have to do, and then I feel overwhelmed because I know I can’t do them all. I start every day knowing that I’m a failure. I walk through my house seeing all the things that a good (person/wife/mother) would do, and I know I can’t do them all. I feel like I disappoint everyone all the time.
I quit writing this post because writing was making me more sad and more tired instead of feeling better. Then, I went to bed at a reasonable time and woke up later… after 9 hours of almost uninterrupted sleep. I felt SO MUCH BETTER.
I wondered if I was actually depressed and just ignoring all the symptoms, using “being tired” as an excuse for feeling so bad all the time. But, no, no, I was right: sleep was what I needed. Now, the hard part is figuring out how to actually get sleep. I can’t keep going at this rate.
In “the end is sight” news, I have a very likely date for my dissertation defense set. This means that soon, very, very, very soon, I can be done with all the dissertation stuff and just work… oh, and then start looking for a new job to put this PhD to work. Yeah, ’cause that’ll be easy.
In “becoming a mom” news, we have classes coming up in October and some MORE PAPERWORK. I think we’ll be finished about the same time I get the dissertation finished up, which is good timing, I think.