Functional Depressive… or Just Tired?

This is the post I started a few days ago:

So, I’ve been wondering lately how I’m making it through any given day.  I wake up thinking of all the things I have to do, and then I feel overwhelmed because I know I can’t do them all. I start every day knowing that I’m a failure.  I walk through my house seeing all the things that a good (person/wife/mother) would do, and I know I can’t do them all. I feel like I disappoint everyone all the time.

I quit writing this post because writing was making me more sad and more tired instead of feeling better.  Then, I went to bed at a reasonable time and woke up later… after 9 hours of almost uninterrupted sleep.  I felt SO MUCH BETTER.

I wondered if I was actually depressed and just ignoring all the symptoms, using “being tired” as an excuse for feeling so bad all the time.  But, no, no, I was right:  sleep was what I needed.  Now, the hard part is figuring out how to actually get sleep.  I can’t keep going at this rate.

In “the end is sight” news, I have a very likely date for my dissertation defense set.  This means that soon, very, very, very soon, I can be done with all the dissertation stuff and just work… oh, and then start looking for a new job to put this PhD to work. Yeah, ’cause that’ll be easy.

In “becoming a mom” news, we have classes coming up in October and some MORE PAPERWORK.  I think we’ll be finished about the same time I get the dissertation finished up, which is good timing, I think.

6 thoughts on “Functional Depressive… or Just Tired?

  1. Hmmm…I feel like this a lot. I wonder which one I am? I’m glad all you needed was some sleep, but I know it’s not always easy to get. Best of luck with your defense!

  2. I’m so glad you felt better after a good night’s sleep! Sometimes that’s all it takes and just I’m really, really glad you got out of that place. That paragraph in italics … I’ve been there.

    Good luck with your defense. Some assvice, if you want it (feel free to read it out loud in a pretentious mocking voice): your committee wants you to succeed. They have (hopefully) invested a lot of time in your development, and if you and they feel you are ready to defend … you’re READY.

    • Thanks so much for that. I really hope that I am actually ready and that I haven’t fooled them all… up until this point. 🙂

      I’m not back to the place of the italics paragraph, but at least now I know to hang out and hope I get to sleep this weekend.

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