So, once we get few things in a row, we’ll be moving forward towards some sort of adoption, and I’m leaning towards foster-to-adopt.
I think I’m supposed to feel relieved and happy to finally be doing something and going somewhere. But really, all I feel is lot of fear. What if THIS process is as bad as trying to get pregnant? As IVF? What if I end up a broken heap,in my living room, unable to do much of anything other than watch Arrested Development for weeks at a time, pretending to most everyone else that I’m just fine because I definitely don’t want to talk about how not fine I am?
I know that I can’t know what’s coming up and that most things work out for most people eventually. I’ve been reading lots of positive books (but hardly any real time blogs — I can’t seem to find a loop of people in the foster-to-adopt process, I know I just haven’t looked hard enough, though).
But still, I’m at a sort of stand still. It’s like I’m standing on the edge of a rock, looking down at the river, and thinking of diving in. The water looks great, refreshing and cool. Everyone else has done it, and they’re having a great time. Me, though, I can’t get my toes over the edge yet.