Moving Forward?

So, once we get  few things in a row, we’ll be moving forward towards some sort of adoption, and I’m leaning towards foster-to-adopt.  

I think I’m supposed to feel relieved and happy to finally be doing something and going somewhere.  But really, all I feel is  lot of fear.  What if THIS process is as bad as trying to get pregnant?  As IVF?  What if I end up a broken heap,in my living room, unable to do much of anything other than watch Arrested Development for weeks at a time, pretending to most everyone else that I’m just fine because I definitely don’t want to talk about how not fine I am?

I know that I can’t know what’s coming up and that most things work out for most people eventually.  I’ve been reading lots of positive books (but hardly any real time blogs — I can’t seem to find a loop of people in the foster-to-adopt process, I know I just haven’t looked hard enough, though).

But still, I’m at a sort of stand still.  It’s like I’m standing on the edge of a rock, looking down at the river, and thinking of diving in.  The water looks great, refreshing and cool.  Everyone else has done it, and they’re having a great time.  Me, though, I can’t get my toes over the edge yet.



12 thoughts on “Moving Forward?

  1. The fear of the unknown is so hard and there is absolutely nothing I can say to take the fear away. I do know that you are incredibly strong to have made it this far and that, if nothing else, should give you hope for the future. There are quite a few women who would not try IVF for fear of failing, but you did and while it did not produce the desired outcome, you learned from it. I know you can persevere through the coming challenges and that you will find your family at the end of it. Until then, you have us to help keep you a float. xoxo

  2. I think the fear is completely natural, especially with a process like adoption, which can be just as treacherous and uncertain as IVF. But you’ve made it this far. And you don’t have to dive in alone. And I hope, at the end of that plunge, is the family you’ve been waiting for. Sending hugs!

  3. Wow! Exciting stuff gf. Just a heads up, the process IS as bad as trying to get pregnant and IVF. Sorry to paint this picture, but you need to prepare yourself – just like you do when going through IVF. You will have down days going through this process, you will be frustrated and there are days that Arrested Development will be needed. You are going to need time, patience, perseverance. But keep the end-goal in sight. It is possible. Just think of how great you will feel afterwards holding your baby in your arms. You can not stand on the edge, you gotta dive and dive deep!! Keep your support circle tight around you.

    All the best while you are going through the stages. You will be a great mother. Your blogging friends are all here to support you as you go through yet another struggle to achieve your dreams!


  4. My husband and I foster/adopted our daughter who just turned 6. She was thirteen months old when she came home to us. Although, she had been in foster care from 10 days old, she was an adoptive placement in our home. We knew the end result would be adoption. We had one foster placement prior to our daughter coming home.

    It was tough, but being a parent is tough, it was also beautiful, and loving. I would be glad to be a resource for you. I most likely have some other links for you to read for other foster/adopt blogs.

    • Oh, wow ,thank you so much. I’d love any further information — there’s a big difference between reading something in a published book and reading as someone goes through the process.

  5. All of this is a process…. The next step is a thought while still morning the last step. It’s okay to hover one the edge until your ready to jump in. Anyone who tells you otherwise is delusional. Wishing you the very best.

  6. i am excited for you and i hope that things move forward with fewer speedbumps than ART. i have so much respect for people that adopt. i’m sure it is difficult – not just the process of making it happen but the parenting itself. but it is also very beautiful and more selfless than ART and i’m hoping like crazy that it works out for you. if you’ve got a big enough heart to be a good step-parent (and i know first-hand that is not the easiest thing!!), and you’ve been through the agony of IF, i think that you are well-prepared for whatever comes your way!! best wishes and do keep us posted!

  7. Thanks for commenting on my blog the other day. I left a reply there, but I wanted to check out your blog, too, so saying Hi here as well. Hopefully I’ll get it together soon with returning to my F-to-A paperwork and will have something to share. Just been taking a break from that while we decided whether to do anymore fertility stuff.

    • Welcome! I did get your message. Taking a break is really important in this process, I think. Gives you a chance to remember who you are and what you want… instead of just running around!

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