2nd Failed IVF

I think I’m supposed to try to think of a way to see something good in this.  But I can’t.  I’m not pregnant.  I did every single thing that anyone told me to do that might help.  Nothing worked.  3 embryos are gone because they were put inside of my toxic body.

I’m so angry.  I’m angry at my body. I’m angry at the medical community for not knowing more to help me.  I’m angry at the insurance company for making a limit of 15,000 dollars for help getting pregnant, when they’ll pay for other people’s bad decisions , like driving recklessly and getting hurt in a car accident, up to millions of dollars but they won’t pay for me to have a baby.  I’m mad at my husband for being at work and not responding to my message.  How can work be more important than this (to give him credit..I only wrote 10 minutes ago). 

I’m just angry and I’m so, so sad.  This is such an emotional mind fuck.  Now, I just wait for days and days for an awful period, if it’s like the last failed IVF period, and then what?  Sign up for another go?  It’s so expensive.  Think about adoption?  I don’t even know how to make that switch over.  Just give up?  Just give up on it ever working out?  How bad is it when just giving up seems the only option.  This bad apparently.

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18 thoughts on “2nd Failed IVF

  1. No no no! I am so sad to read these words. I had so much hope. Infertility is such a cruel mistress. Take time to be angry and to be sad. There is no need to rush thoughts of your next step. Give your spirit and your body some time to heal. I’m sending you lots of love. (And your husband best write back like NOW!)

  2. I’m so heartbroken for you. It’s so freaking unfair, you’re completely right. With every IF disappointment, when I’m feeling so completely trapped and hopeless, I remind myself that this can’t and won’t last forever. Somehow, some way, this will resolve. It might suck a lot in the meantime but it will resolve eventually. We just have to stick it out. I’m right there with you and I’m so, so sorry this cycle didn’t work out. Sending you love and healing.

    • Thank you for that reminder. My mom always says, when I’m in the midst of some woe or another, to remember that it’ll all work itself out, it always does. It’s good to remember that. Thank you for your love and kinds words.

  3. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. It completely sucks. Take care of yourself. Hoping that your heart heals soon and give yourself time to process and then think what comes next – don’t focus on that now, focus on yourself.

  4. Sending you lots of hugs. What you are feeling right now is one of the worst feelings in the world – but take heart and know things will eventually get better. Your anger will subside along with the pain that goes with this loss. Take heart in knowing you gave it all your very best. Lots of love to you and your man. xoxooxx

    • Thank you so much for your love and kind words. There is a good bit of comfort in knowing that I did give it my very best, and I appreciate your reminder to find that solace.

  5. I absolutely know the pain and sadness you are feeling right now, because I’m feeling it too. I didn’t get as far as you, but it seems like we are in similar places of grief. It just hurts so badly, and I hate that you are going through it too. I liked what a few people said in comments above, reminding you about the fact that this will not last forever. Neither of us knows how or when we will start to feel better, or what steps we will take next, but it does help a bit just to know that we WILL NOT feel this way forever. Things will improve. Count on it.
    Sending you hugs, hope, and healing.

    • I thought about you right after I wrote this, how much it would have hurt to not even get to try, though trying and failing sucks pretty bad too.
      Thank you for your kind words. And, you’re so right… things really do get better, even when it seems like they couldn’t possibly.

  6. That was exactly the tough discussion I had with hubby last night over dinner … when do we draw the lines? Three times, four times or five times? I thought to myself, after the first two times, you would think the third time ought to work, after 3 times, you would think you have already spent money for three times, you ought to try the fourth time to see it through. Then what happens after that? I said, it’s like entering the share market, you have to have a “system” before you enter. So, we have to have a “limit” before we start the IVF treatment as well.

    Well, now that we have tried the first time and I got my period yesterday, it’s not too late to come up with a “limit” now. I don’t think there is any magic or science in this, but good luck to you, I hope you recover soon. Remember that there are many of us going through exactly this journey like you and hope that we all get to the success end one day in the not too distant future.

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