IVF #2, 10 dp3dt, Don’t Ignore Infertility… or Present It in a Stupid Way

I think it was Mel from who recently wrote a post about infertility being like a video game. I say think because I read about it on another person’s blog, and I can’t remember whose blog it was — this person had written a funny response about how each level of infertility treatment you go up another level.  (If anyone read that too and can remember, please send me the link so I can update here).

I mention this because today I reached a whole new level of infertility crazies.  Yesterday, I was so upset by the practically nonexistent spotting (which was seriously not much) and the negative pregnancy test yesterday.  Today, I woke up and the last 2 HPTs I have left in the house were calling my name.  DH is gone to work for the day, I’m at home working, so no one would even have to know… I was sitting here thinking about how it couldn’t be THAT big of a deal if I used one today and one tomorrow.

Then, I remembered yesterday.  Lying in bed.  Crying.  Texting DH that it was over and that I was never going to be pregnant.  Then, no more spotting.  Nothing for the rest of the day.  Still feel the same as I have all week.  Absolutely no way to tell if this is or isn’t happening this time or not.

So I went into the drawer, opened the HPTs and dipped them in leftover tea and put them in the trashcan.  Then, I cleaned out the fridge, dumping all the contents on top of the dipped-in-tea-HPTs, and took the trash bag outside.

So, yeah, I think I just won the Crazy Things You Do While Dealing with Infertility level of this game.

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The rest of this post is about the NIAW week for bloggers.  This is the post I’ve been wanting to write for weeks, and I saved it up for this week.

NIAW is about how we shouldn’t ignore infertility. I totally agree with this and this cycle, I’ve been much more open about what I’m going through (with selected friends and family only) because I think it’s good for these people to know that I’ve not exactly been having an easy time of it lately.  So, I completely agree that ignoring infertility is a bad thing.

But, even worse than ignoring I think, is presenting it in a really stupid way, like we see on shows like Glee — where the 50+ woman gets pregnant on her first IVF using eggs she supposedly froze in 1970s and kept in a freezer at Kroger.  Or, maybe on Big Love, where multiple women were “tricked” into IVF procedures where they didn’t even know that they were being impregnated and only had to take one shot in the leg.  Or those stupid Hallmark movies where the woman, infertile of course, is so desperate for a child that she steals some other lady’s baby.  Or those so completely overused plot line about the adopted child who spends years and years dying to find their birth parent.  Oh, and in Once Upon a Time, with the adoptive evil stepmother and the birthmother who has to save her child.

These stories are just awful.  They’re not real.  They’re not helpful.  They’re hurtful.  What’s the reality?  Sue Sylvester would have had only about a 10% with her IVF cycle and would likely have had to do multiple cycles with DONOR EGGS.  The Big Love plot was so dumb that there is no real version of it.  Infertile women are not baby stealers.  We want our own children and we work hard to get them, through ART or adoption.  And, while I’m sure that adopted children are curious about their birth parents, I’m even more sure — since I’ve known adopted parents and kids alike– that adopted children love their adopted family and are more like Steven Jobs than the tired plot used over and over again in TV shows  and adopted parents are most of the time wonderful, loving people who love their children — not evil witches.

So, for this week, I think we should focus on not ignoring the VERY REAL elements of infertility… like the crazy stuff I did this morning and the terrible feelings I had yesterday and the wonderful feeling we’re all looking for… like Belle over at Scrambled Eggs is having.  I’m so happy for her and Pip.