IVF #2, 10 dp3dt, Don’t Ignore Infertility… or Present It in a Stupid Way

I think it was Mel from who recently wrote a post about infertility being like a video game. I say think because I read about it on another person’s blog, and I can’t remember whose blog it was — this person had written a funny response about how each level of infertility treatment you go up another level.  (If anyone read that too and can remember, please send me the link so I can update here).

I mention this because today I reached a whole new level of infertility crazies.  Yesterday, I was so upset by the practically nonexistent spotting (which was seriously not much) and the negative pregnancy test yesterday.  Today, I woke up and the last 2 HPTs I have left in the house were calling my name.  DH is gone to work for the day, I’m at home working, so no one would even have to know… I was sitting here thinking about how it couldn’t be THAT big of a deal if I used one today and one tomorrow.

Then, I remembered yesterday.  Lying in bed.  Crying.  Texting DH that it was over and that I was never going to be pregnant.  Then, no more spotting.  Nothing for the rest of the day.  Still feel the same as I have all week.  Absolutely no way to tell if this is or isn’t happening this time or not.

So I went into the drawer, opened the HPTs and dipped them in leftover tea and put them in the trashcan.  Then, I cleaned out the fridge, dumping all the contents on top of the dipped-in-tea-HPTs, and took the trash bag outside.

So, yeah, I think I just won the Crazy Things You Do While Dealing with Infertility level of this game.

************

The rest of this post is about the NIAW week for bloggers.  This is the post I’ve been wanting to write for weeks, and I saved it up for this week.

NIAW is about how we shouldn’t ignore infertility. I totally agree with this and this cycle, I’ve been much more open about what I’m going through (with selected friends and family only) because I think it’s good for these people to know that I’ve not exactly been having an easy time of it lately.  So, I completely agree that ignoring infertility is a bad thing.

But, even worse than ignoring I think, is presenting it in a really stupid way, like we see on shows like Glee — where the 50+ woman gets pregnant on her first IVF using eggs she supposedly froze in 1970s and kept in a freezer at Kroger.  Or, maybe on Big Love, where multiple women were “tricked” into IVF procedures where they didn’t even know that they were being impregnated and only had to take one shot in the leg.  Or those stupid Hallmark movies where the woman, infertile of course, is so desperate for a child that she steals some other lady’s baby.  Or those so completely overused plot line about the adopted child who spends years and years dying to find their birth parent.  Oh, and in Once Upon a Time, with the adoptive evil stepmother and the birthmother who has to save her child.

These stories are just awful.  They’re not real.  They’re not helpful.  They’re hurtful.  What’s the reality?  Sue Sylvester would have had only about a 10% with her IVF cycle and would likely have had to do multiple cycles with DONOR EGGS.  The Big Love plot was so dumb that there is no real version of it.  Infertile women are not baby stealers.  We want our own children and we work hard to get them, through ART or adoption.  And, while I’m sure that adopted children are curious about their birth parents, I’m even more sure — since I’ve known adopted parents and kids alike– that adopted children love their adopted family and are more like Steven Jobs than the tired plot used over and over again in TV shows  and adopted parents are most of the time wonderful, loving people who love their children — not evil witches.

So, for this week, I think we should focus on not ignoring the VERY REAL elements of infertility… like the crazy stuff I did this morning and the terrible feelings I had yesterday and the wonderful feeling we’re all looking for… like Belle over at Scrambled Eggs is having.  I’m so happy for her and Pip.

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8 thoughts on “IVF #2, 10 dp3dt, Don’t Ignore Infertility… or Present It in a Stupid Way

  1. Your shout out has me in tears. Thank you for the mention. And I really wish someone would have dipped my pee sticks in tea and disposed of them at the start of this cycle. Do you know that this crazy woman started testing two days after transfer? Idiot, I tell you. I’m shocked Pip has stayed around and was not all, “This lady is cray-cray. I’m out a here!”

    You hang in there, pretty lady. I know you are strong and that your wish for a sweet, healthy, take home baby will come true soon. *Hugs* and happy Friday!

  2. your post has me in tears. [or maybe that’s the bcp’s – they make me crazy.] you’re right, most people don’t understand infertility. i’m too afraid to talk to anyone about it other than my dh because i’m terrified of the stupid things people will say that will make me feel more awful than i already do. you’re brave being out there about it and you give the rest of us secret infertiles hope. thank you!

    congrats on breaking the crazies with some tea;)

    • Oh, god, BCPs are so awful. I really don’t know which was worse for me — BCP or Clomid. They are both so bad. And, yes, you’ll cry because your toenail polish is chipped on those things.

      I am also avoidant of stupid comments from stupid people which is why I only tell a VERY select few about it. I’ve found it to be much easier to have at least a few people to chat with about it, though blogging is pretty good for me too.

      Thanks for your comment… sorry I made you cry.

  3. YEEEEEEEES! I’m sure that most Hollywood types would think that real infertility is just too boring for a movie or TV script, but they’ve obviously not read these blogs.

    Good for you, showing so much restraint with the HPTs. I hope Monday gets here soon with a great beta!

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