IVF #2, +842 Days, -8 Days

So, there’s this website where you can create these little tickers.  I do not advise going to this website, as it will likely depress you, as it did me, unless you’re in that beautiful 1st year phase of trying to have a wee little one.  Since I started in 2009 (YES! 2009!), I put in my information into the ticker and it said that I’d been trying for 842 days.  God, that’s a depressing number, isn’t it?  I’m 842 days into something that other people don’t even think about “we weren’t even trying!” etc, etc…

I’m also 8 days away from stopping these awful BCP.  I’ve been cramping and spotting and breakthrough bleeding for days now (4 or 5).  It’s so annoying and pretty uncomfortable.  I go for my check in with Wandy on March 31 and will start stims that day. I don’t remember what meds I’ll be on, so I’ll have to post that later.

If things ever work out for me in the having children part of my life (and I chose the word if on purpose), I promise to never, ever say or agree with someone who says that having children is THE most important thing and that there’s NOTHING like it.  I think that is the way many people feel, but after this struggle and with the constant almost grieving that I’ve been doing for getting pregnant or having children, I believe there are things that are JUST as important as having children, and while there may not be anything like having children, there are many other wonderful things out there.

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6 thoughts on “IVF #2, +842 Days, -8 Days

  1. I’m so sorry the BCPs are making you miserable. I understand completely. This 6 weeks of pills has been terrible for me. Saturday is my last active pill and it can’t come soon enough. I’ve never been so excited about a period!

    I agree so much with your last paragraph. While having children might be unique and special in its own way, there are many, many other things in life that carry an equal punch – it’s just hard to see them when going through IF.

    • Oh, Saturday will be a wonderful day for you. I know what you mean about being excited about a period — we normally dread it, but I would welcome a period with open arms right now. I only have to make it until Wednesday, so at least there’s an end in sight… and Saturday will be here before you know it.

      And, you’re right about them being hard to see. It’s almost like we put on blinders sometimes and only see babies. Darn biological urges.

  2. I hope that ticker can stop counting soon! And I think you’re right. There are lots of important things one can do other than having children. I know I sometimes have a difficult time thinking of what those things are because I’m so darn focused on that particular goal!

    • Me too (on hoping both of our tickers stop counting soon!)

      I think I’m going to make a list of things that I can do that are important, that way I can focus on other things and stay away from “THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE FOR HAPPINESS” kind of thinking (no more insurance money for more IVFs after this one).

      It’s so hard to think of other things, since I want to be a mom so much.

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