That quote above is from “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” one of my all time favorite poems. It’s so sad and so frustrating, yet also so beautiful and lyrical.
I was thinking of this poem because we changed our minds about the IVF cycle and decided to do the March/April cycle instead of the January/February one. There are many reasons, but I guess these are the main ones:
- I’m still 10 pounds (instead of 15, yay!) heavier than when I started the first IVF. That is still about 50 pounds over where I should be and where I’d be happiest.
- I still have this dream/hope/unrealistic notion that maybe I can get pregnant without IVF, and I’d have only had one chance to try that idea out if we do the January cycle. Doing the March instead means we have November, December and January to try. Yes, I know that I have DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) and that I should be anxious about time. But I have to also not be too hasty.
- Partly money. Doing IVF right now means we’d be completely strapped until February next year. That’s not comfortable.
- Mostly TIME. I’m going to try to graduate in May. That means I have to collect all my data and write 3 chapters of my dissertation by March and defend BY April. The sooner the better with all that dissertation stuff though, since potentially, I’ll spend most of March and April in IVF land. When I think back to this summer, I can’t really remember what IVF was like. It’s like my brain is refusing to capture all of that. I do remember that it took a lot of time.