Cycle 20, CD 23, 9 DPO, Spotting

So, I just started spotting.  I actually saw something this morning that looked like spotting and I decided I must be crazy, but now, I’m sure.  I’m so upset.  I’m so mad.  I’m so sad.  I’m just so… everything.

I know, I know.  It’s just spotting.  Some people spot.  Then, those people can still be pregnant.  Implantation spotting.  Keep up the hope, yes, yes.  But I just feel awful right now.  I’m supposed to be running errands, but instead I came home and sat down with my dogs and did all kinds of stupid things, like looked for charts where women spotted and were still pregnant.  It didn’t really help any to see that, I just feel like they are in some place where I’m never going to be.  It’s so hard to remember that they may have felt just like I do right now on a month where they were pregnant.  It’s just so hard.

I just don’t think I can go out, drive around and pretend to be okay right now.  I think this is a moment where I get to call a time out on being good and responsible, take a nap, and just be okay with being not okay.

In completely unrelated to this, but to another post, I ended up really disliking Water for Elephants.

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