Where Do I Start? Where Do I Begin?

I spent most of my adult, thoughtful life thinking that I’d never have children of my own.  I have had psoriasis since I was 5 years old and about the time I was due to graduate high school, I developed psoriatic arthritis.  Since I’d been taking methotrexate (yes, the same drug that induces abortion at the right dose) on and off since I was 12, I just figured that kids weren’t really going to be part of my life.

In some ways, I was fine with that.  I wasn’t that interested anyway.  That started to change when I was in my mid-20s.  I was going through a rough time in the relationship department, so again the not-having-kids idea didn’t weigh on my mind too much.

Then I met my sweet, dear husband.  I love him.  But he has two kids already and thought that he didn’t want anymore.  Then, my brother and his wife had a beautiful, sweet, psoriasis free little girl.  And, now, here I am.  Age 33, 18 years after I can first remember thinking that I wouldn’t ever have kids, wishing desperately to see 2 pink lines show up on a HPT.

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3 thoughts on “Where Do I Start? Where Do I Begin?

  1. I know this is an old entry, but I just discovered your blog. Your story sounds so much like mine. I guess all of us have similar stories. I have had psoriasis too since i was in HS, but it was always mild. I have been taking clobetesol proponate since then and wonder the damage that may have caused me. I was also on embrel for a short time. Wonder if all these steroids are the cause of the non baby bump.

    • Apparently, steroids are something that go away out of your body after you’ve stopped them. I stopped using all steroids (I had some cream stuff — Taclonex– and some spray on stuff — corticosteroids mixed with DermaZinc) once I started trying to get pregnant. I’ve wondered the same thing, especially because I used to take methotrexate. My RE thinks that maybe it’s my overactive immune system that’s causing the non-baby bump (cute way to say that). I just had a ton of bloodwork done ($1300 dollars worth!) and will find out soon if that is part of the problem.

      I take Humira now, which is kind of like Enbrel. Apparently people do get pregnant on this medicine and the RE didn’t say anything about it… Either way, it’s frustrating, isn’t it???

      Thanks for commenting!

  2. I have been on the steroids off and on. My P has always been mild mainly on my scalp, then about 5 years ago i started getting “episodes” of body P, not pleasant it just makes you feel like an ugly mess! So the latest trigger was a mole i got removed on my face, soon after that the breakout began on my stomach, legs, elbows(this is my most stubborn area), a few face spots. I acutally counted them all 25 spots. This was thanksgiving weekend. So i tried to just keep them moisturized and use protopic or vaseline same thing and keep them moist because i read that helps, but it’s january now. I caved and started using some olux mousse i had in my closet and after a week they already getting faint. thank god! It’s bad enough your trying to get preggers, dealing with the P is not easy and i consider mine mild so I can’t even imagine what hardcore P is like. I too was sort of diagnosed with PA, but there isn’t a true test for it. I remmber my Rhuematologist about 5 yrs ago said my sausage like toe that appeared out fo the blue was probably PA. Now for the past yr i have had thumb pain and in the last few weeks my middle finger. Anyways enough about my Psoriasis mess! But just wanted to let you know I know how you feel.

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